A Perfect Storm (Mama Musings approaching the close of Year 1)


The weather in my city has been really intense and stormy lately, and in perfect form, so has my life in some ways.  But in a different way because I am enjoying so much joy and light and love as I culminate my FIRST. YEAR. OF. MOTHERHOOD.  Wow!  To say that motherhood is hard work is insufficient.  For me it has been an intense, demanding, and worthwhile decision to prioritize in and sacrifice for the wellbeing of my child- without limit.  So we are having fun and I am exhausted as shit, most of the time.  I get frustrated, lonely, irritable and all of that but everyday I am inspired and impressed with my son and myself.  Interestingly, life keeps happening so I have all kinds of new milestones in my personal and professional life and new challenges and difficulties to learn and grow through.  So recently, when things got deep for our family, I wrote a poem about it.  It is right on time as I chart the open territory before for me as a new mother, improve my self-care practice, live more fully in my gifts and create a life that I love for me and for our family.  Here it goes:


It’s like I’m in this perfect storm…

And I like storms

Love comes softly like the rain yet floods the river

And my life is perfect right now

And at once stormy and unpredictable

And I don’t know how to manage it

All my dreams are coming though

Love is all around me and oh so much goodness

And so is the pain… I can’t evade the darkness even when I try to pull away

This is the work

I don’t like it, but I’m really good at it

I am here to love and to care for others

But I need this care and love too

I must have it, no question at all

Even if I have to take it for myself

Give it to myself

Give to myself first…I guess this is the only way to survive

The best way to thrive

The hurt is not my own

I feel the hurt of my brother, my sister, my children, and my nation

Far too deeply

So deeply that I don’t want to feel anything at all anymore

And I push it down, down, down until it’s bubbling up and overflowing

Then I remember to let it out, let it breathe

And it’s always better, then

How to navigate a storm

I know how to do this; perhaps it’s a gift

Even though it doesn’t feel that way.

For now just enjoying the calm, actively, intently and fully present

The storm will come again, and again and again…

And it will pass away, again and again and again.

Washing us clean and ushering a fresh new start each time

So I will rest in the calm, frolic and play… but I will also dance in the rain and receive the intense power of the storm.

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Birthing Life ( I trust God)


 Very soon I will be having a baby!  On this journey of birthing life I have ALREADY learned so much and I know that I haven’t even scratched the surface of biological motherhood and what it means to give birth.  But there is one profound truth that is SO clear to me about birthing life, literally and figuratively.  That truth is that I TRUST GOD.  

I am a woman in my late 30s, black, lesbian, and unpartnered.  I after years of visioning, researching,  and planning I am having a son and blessed that my dear friend agreed to help me as a known donor and loving figure in our lives.  I am grateful that my baby has been healthy and active throughout my pregnancy.  I am grateful for the beauty of creating life and living life in all of its complexities.  I TRUST GOD.


Since the time that I started trying to conceive (TTC), so many difficult things have happened in my personal and professional life, within my family, and in the world at large.  And so much joy and goodness has unfolded as well!  I have experienced the rising from the ashes, the coming together of all the things we tend to worry about, and the desires of my heart coming into reality.  I TRUST GOD.

I trust God because I understand now how the bitter and the sweet both have their importance and how much we can learn in the ebb and flow of life.  I see the divine order that is operating in my life, particularly as I enter a stage of my life where i will have far less control over what happens.  In motherhood it is SO important that I TRUST GOD.

My pregnancy has been surrounded by SO much love and light.  The excitement, prayers, support, and rallying of my loved ones to celebrate this moment really overwhelms me at times.  This goodness can outweigh the trials that are sure to come and already have since I opened the door to birthing life.  Indeed, I TRUST GOD and I am awed at the way that life is unfolding for me lately.

So far, the biggest, most beautiful part of birthing life is all of the love, joy, and warmth that baby and I share with the people around us.  I can’t wait to share more about birthing the life of my sweet little BabyCakes! Right now I am full of gratitude for the magnanimous spirit of love that I am enjoying.  I TRUST GOD, knowing that God’s good is enormous and that this goodness tempers all that life may bring my way.