Cancer Free Me!

July marked being TWO years Cancer-Free ✊🏽💖💗💗✊🏽. The actual day that was the anniversary of my double mastectomy and reconstruction surgery came and went and It was a weird time that I didn’t acknowledge because I was also 12 weeks post-op recovery from another major surgery 😬. Once cleared I began my daily walking again with my doctor’s consent and safely challenged myself to push to another level: I went from walking a 1/2 mile in May to 3.5 miles in July (on average I usually walk 2.5). 🎉🎉🎉 I also joined a #girltrek crew in my neighborhood and became friends with some awesome women who are wiser than me and had lived many lessons that I am learning now. I walked with my son; I walked with my family and friends. I walked alone, I walked with God. 

Around the same time I began experiencing swelling in my feet, serious exhaustion, and joint pain. I was discouraged and afraid I wouldn’t lose the weight that I wanted to but didn’t give up. I have Hashimoto’s Hypothyroidism, an autoimmune condition which can cause chronic pain and chronic fatigue. I got better walking shoes and adjusted my diet and decreased from walking 5 days a week to 3 or 4 days based on how I’m feeling. I set out at the start of the year with a major weight loss goal but eventually realized that it was a lifestyle that I am seeking. I am #stillhealing and my daily walks feed me in so many ways. My mind feels clearer, I feel less anxiety and depression and I feel energized even on weary days. I feel confident and proud of myself. My clothes feel and look different, I feel good. 

I am grateful to be alive but I have SO many scars; literally and figuratively; parts of my body have been removed, amputated and relocated and that’s hard. I have more surgeries in the future and I’m left with legit body image issues and some body dysmorphia that I am learning to be gentle and patient with. Sometimes I feel like Frankenstein 🫢mutilated, misshapen and scared. Sometimes what I see in the mirror and in photos is not what others see. Sometimes I’m just annoyed that my body isn’t as young anymore and I have to learn new ways to feel strong and healthy. 

These are some of the experiences that cancer survivors carry WITH the gratitude of another day living. I love that I’m learning self-compassion and continual healing and my self-love walks are an essential part of that. I am finding my way back but also shaping a new and healthier me. I see myself as beautiful on the inside and love what I am becoming on the outside. That’s all that matters. 💗💗💗 #breastcancerwarrior #cancersucks #cancerfreeme #walkforhealth #bravo